Before and After

If I ever got a tattoo...

But then my mom would kill me and I would have paid all that money for like a day of enjoyment.

Swatch of the Day

I got a package in the mail from Malaysia!!!
Malaysia is not only a country in Southeast Asia, but also my pet name for GayF.
I love sports just slightly more than I love Swatch so this one's made for me.
Thanks, homefreedomfry!

(Not sure what's cuter, that note or my nail)

A letter from a faraway desk...

Coral sent me a letter!
Prove it, you say?
Uh, ok, don't mind if I do.
Told ya, idiot. Geez.
And if you think that's about as awesome as any person can get, you're so wrong it's not even hysterical. Because look at what Coral had for lunch.Uh, yeah, those are bagel bites, duh, everyone knows that. God, you're dumb.
And if you're also wondering how far this letter has traveled, I'll show you because I'm a really kind human being who wants nothing but to do good.That's it, god, what more do you want?
YOU ARE SO DEMANDING, AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN MY REAL DAAAAAAD, I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Free. Burberry. Money. Oh. Em. Ef. Gee. - $250

JAYNE

RULZ!

It's fun living with Ashli!

Open the cupboard for a surprise...
Yay! Milk in the cupboard!
Silly, Silly Fishface wasn't even drunkie!

Tamagotchi 2010

Just the Tip

You know what I really love?
Just the tip.
At work, we're obsessed with saying "Just the Tip" whenever appropriate.
And whenever not appropriate.
And not at work too.
You know why?
Because it's hilarious.
Even though we don't need a reminder of "Just the Tip" because "Just the Tip" is so hilarious it's always on just the tip of our tongues, Coral and I draw "Just the Tip" tattoos on our arms every day.I wanted to share "Just the Tip", actually the whole thing, with Jayne so I drew a "Just the Tip" tattoo on her arm in pink ink (which we'll call "pink" to save time).
She must have been leaning on her arm because I just got this beauty shot in an e-mail from her.
You can make out just the tip.

Poor, pathetic little Stapley...

Stapley's so sad because everyone keeps pounding on his face!

A fax came...

Jayne was going to fax (for real) something at Kinko's so we obviously thought it'd be a great opportunity for her to send me a fax too.
And boy oh boy was it amazing!
It was just as amazing as I imagined it would be back in 1996 when I used to imagine faxes. Amazing faxes. Like this one.In case you didn't know 'cause you're still living, faxes (faxi?) have really shitty quality.
********Update: Fax me!!!!! 917-595-2299**********

A letter came...

A very special letter, with a very special gift inside.
ANTHRAX!
Just joshin, you're so silly you believed that.
It was sillybandz, duh.
I had to share with Coral, but that's OK, because I got the Florida one.
And that's all I've ever asked for in life.
Ever. In life.

Oh, and PS- Hi again!

Find Doug

Happy Berrday Mom!

My mom turns 58 today!

I made this to commemorate the occasion.(Thanks for the help, Jerrr.)

Happy Berrday Douggie!

Douggie turns two today!

I made this to commemorate the occasion.

You should eat a dog biscuit or pee on a tree or something.

And don't forget to wish him a happy birthday on his twitter.

Swatch of the Day

Thanks to my Butt and Jenni for this awesome Swatch I've been eyeing for a couple years now. I just discovered that three of the cheese holes are actually perforated!

And it smells like real cheese! Actually I made that second part up.

On a related and also really sad note, the co-founder/CEO of Swatch, Nicolas Hayek, died today. I find it strange/appropriate that I happen to be wearing a new Swatch on this day. Especially since it's been so long since the last time. Let this be my tribute to Nicolas. R.I.P.

Ellen thinks she knows my phone number.

She sent me a text message.

When I didn't respond, she sent me another one.

Finally, she got this.

Hanging out at home

I shoved Doug in a basket.

You're welcome.

Just Us Girls

Doug was far away for a really long time and it was the worst.

But let's not talk about that.

He's here now and I love him.

Wanna know why?

Because he does things like this.

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

I have a job now.

I can stop being depressed and blog again.

Actually I was never depressed, being unemployed ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuules.

But now I have an actual office to go to, and a laptop, and a fancy office chair.

I'm farting in it right now.

Yay!

Celebrity Doug

Oh, hey again.
Check out my new tumblr where I will be posting awesome drawings of Doug as different celebrities. It's crazy, sexy, cool just like your face.
Also, While I was searching google images for lil wayne's tattoos for the first post, look at one of the images that popped up. It's FATE. Or IRONY. Or DESTINY. Or CHILD. Or maybe just accidentally awesome SEO tactics.or D.) All of the Above.
or A.) and B.) but not C.)
And I'm done now.

"I can't hear you, it sounds like shit."'

I lost my cell phone and didn't notice until like 20 minutes later.

When I retraced my steps, I found it in the public bathroom of Berri U'QAM.

And by "in" I really mean on the floor. Next to the toilet.

It basically looked like this:

I'm pretty sure I've been walking around with poo in my ear.

Swatch of the Day

This is one of my most favoritest from my collection since I used to be a dorky gymnast who wore gymnastics shirts to school every day of the week. I think I'll bring that back, except that instead of school, it will be me alone in my apartment since that's what I do now. One of the coolest shirts I had had a picture of a girl doing a leap with a basketball, soccer ball, baseball, and football crossed out all around her and it said "You don't need balls, to be a great athlete." I remember thinking that was the best when I was 11 because it had the word "balls" on it. I guess I've always been this cool. Speaking of cool, this Swatch has Nadia Comaneci on it who was the first gymnast to ever get a perfect ten in the Olympics. On the bars, my always and forever favorite event, and in Montreal. This Swatch is a tribute to that little fact. It says 1.00 instead of 10.00 because the scoreboards weren't even equipped to display ten's. So rad.

Alli's Still Got the Scoop!

My friend Alli is an official lawyer.

Yesterday, she got her picture up on her firm's website.

I promise that's really her and I didn't google "11 year old girl in blazer".

Also, I'm not allowed to post the firm name in case people google it and end up on this here blog. Apparently it's not professional or something.

Oh, and it was a doubly special day for Alli yesterday, because the date was 9-02-10, and that's her all-time favorite show.

We're so proud of you, Alli!

My New Office

This is how I work every day.

Getting fired is the best thing that ever happened to me.

PS- It's Casual Tuesday.

This is how I spend my Saturday night. And I fucking love it.

I just gave myself a very classy manicure while playing Mtv Cribs with my brother on Skype.

I think I will get a lot of professional jobs with it.

The left hand's looking pretty good.

The right hand's looking pretty busted and I really don't think it's fair since it's the hand that did the good job.

I've made it big

Not having a job is the best job I ever had.

I get to spend my entire day listening to Doug fart and eating chocolate cake. And I get paid for it. I'm probably the most succesful person on the planet right now. And I'm talking about the money kind of succes. The only one that matters.

PS- Doug just vomited this. And also, I love you.